That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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