He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
