Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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