I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
