worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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