he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
