i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
