and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
