Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
