bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
