this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
