Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
