I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
foreskin is a definite game changer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
