can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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