Apparently you make a good broom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
