I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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