I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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