I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
