Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
