sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
