Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
