Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
