R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
