I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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