forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize