so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
