Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize