I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
