I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
