Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
should my penis look like a turkey
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
