when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
