So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
