you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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