we have officially lost it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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