So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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