i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
