Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
