I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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