did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
