Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
