the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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