Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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