I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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