New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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