Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
