i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
