Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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