If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
