I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
