Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize