he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
