anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my being single is dangerous.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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