Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Barsexuality is the new black.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Randomize
