tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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