Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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