You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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