If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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