I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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