I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
