Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
