May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He did a backflip because drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
