I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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