I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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