So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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