You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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