Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
