So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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